On the Benefit of the Doubt
Empathy is the ability to put yourself in the shoes of another person when evaluating them, it's easier for some people than others.
If you read a tabloid story about someone committing some horrific crime of corruption, do you give the subject the benefit of the doubt? Does it change if the subject is a politician? Does it matter whether they are part of your political party? A member of your church? A member of your race?
People are groupish.
We work together in groups, we choose associations bigger than our immediate family, whether fraternal or economic or religious or educational or civic. Groups are more than the sum of their parts.
We empathize with people more easily if we share common traits. Finding common ground is a basic persuasion technique, a way to show a person who might be suspicious or skeptical of what you are saying that you are a part of a group that they are in. We feel more sympathy and empathy with people who we perceieve as like us.
A corollary to this is that if there is a rival or opposed or enemy group, the default level of empathy is going to be lower. People in that group will be seen as less deserving of the benefit of the doubt. Less deserving of what some people call grace, that willingness to find close questions in your favor, not against you.
One of the small things that you can do as an individual to improve your life and the lives of those around you is to try to invert who you give the benefit of the doubt to.
When you see someone from a rival group do something questionable, work harder to come up with good explanations for the behavior. Think like you had to be their defense attorney, humanizing them for a jury that’s hostile by the very nature of being prosecuted.
What would you say, if you held their verdict in your hands? How would you put the best face on a bad situation?
When you see someone from your own group do something questionable, be a bit more demanding of them. Raise the burden of proof, expect them to be above reproach, like judges are supposed to be. Make the people on your side show their work and answer hard questions. Don’t put up with weak excuses and low standards because they’re on your team.
Earlier this week, Kenny Akers facilitated a panel discussion on anti-racism. It brought up a lot of tough subjects from different perspectives, things like privilege and redlining and how to be better at handling conflict on charged issues. Nobody got heated, nobody ducked tough subjects, people were respectful and humble.
These conversations are happening every day in our world. People are able to have tough conversations with their friends and neighbors about politics and policy. We are less divided than the polarized extremists want use to be.
Division makes things simple, but connection makes things better.
In the pluralist and egalitarian society that was foretold in the Declaration of Independence, the society that the Constitution and its amendments and laws protecting civil rights continue to build toward, we always give others the benefit of the doubt when personal liberty is on the line.
The presumption of innocence, the requirement to prove cases beyond a reasonable doubt, is the core of how very different people can live in the same society. Everyone is given the benefit of the doubt, everyone is given empathy in the resolution of the facts that could lead to loss of life or liberty in the case of an error.
This is the system that protects all of us.
We should bring those values into our daily lives when someone cuts us off in traffic or we read a clickbait headline about a horrible crime.
Practice reflexive empathy.
It’s a good way to approach life by default.
Yours truly,
Nick
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